It's already been 47 days since I've signed up with this SN. Boy, how time flies.
Speaking of which, today was...nostalgic.
I've had 3 mental breakdowns today. I didn't want to, I just started crying all of a sudden. I'm so stupid. And then I snapped on Leo at lunch [Sorry about that, by the way]. Earlier today wasn't the greatest...
I dun wanna talk about the beginning of the day. It's not important to me. Now, I started to feel nostalgic when I went to downtown Newark today...I caught the 66 to Newark to check out the comic shop, which was cool. I felt like a stranger in a city that I've been in for 16 1/2 years. I felt completely disconnected from reality while I was in Newark. After walking down Broad Street to the place, things started to look oddly familiar. I didn't know why until I left the store. I was right across the street from Robert Treat Hotel. Yep, the hotel Larry stayed in. I stood there for a moment and then kept walking. Then I passed the fountain he gave me a piggy back ride it. I was even tempted to go to that awesome bagel shop that he brought sandwiches at, but decided against it. So, I stood there, just looking from the hotel, to the fountain and at NJPAC. I remembered we went the back way to the hotel. Then I looked at Penn Station and remembered our trip to Hoboken, how it started to rain and Johnny Rockets. I started to remember everything all of a sudden. I thought I had buried all these memories cause when Larry and I use to talk and he asked me if I remembered it, I said no cause I forgot.Suddenly, just for a moment and just started to laugh. I couldn't help it. I just started laughing and a smile came over me. A certain peace, I guess....That I can finally look at the past and laugh.
Now I know what adults say when, "When you get older, you're gonna laugh at this." I understand. I finally let go. I thought I did earlier but, I didn't I guess. Haha, I laugh thinking about things actually and how Keri makes a big deal on how I lost him. Slowly, I'm beginning to believe my family that, we weren't meant to be. Wasn't destiny for us to continue. So, Keri, you can laugh and say how I lost the best thing ever...But actually...I didn't.
I gained the best thing ever and he lives on Burns Place...right here in Union, New Jersey. Not in Pensacola, Florida.
Now that I think about it, he was one of the people that supported me the most. He was the one I cried to and he just held me. He's the one I fell asleep with til 5pm...Mr. Mackaravitz.
I just wanna cry now. Not cause I'm upset. Because of this little reality check. I thought that life would end cause I didn't have Larry. I thought that he was as good as it gets... But he's not. Well, not for me. He might be the best for you Ms. Sanders, but not me. So, please...Stop trying to provoke me. [I'd greatly appreciate it].
It's ashame he wanted til...erm, this year? Yeah, this year to tell me he'd like me since 9th grade Spanish. YOU DOOF! Haha.
I'm still an idiot for us breakin' up in the first place but, sometimes the second time around is always better.
Over a month a still counting. <3
Thanks for being there Kyle. I love you. Cya in school and get ready for some ass kickin' in Waku Waku 7. I owe you. Hahaha.
Well, that's enough of that! I BROGHT MORE MANGA! I got Real Bout High 4-6 [THE SERIES ENDED! I CRIED! T_T] and I got Peach Girl: Change of Heart 4 & 5. Ah yes...Nothing beat reading. -nod-
Speaking of which, I'm gonna cut down my internet hours. I'm gonna start studyin' fer SATs. I'll stay on long durning the weekends but, not during weekdays, unless it's for school. It's time for me to start disciplin' myself for college. I wanna get my car, dammit.
Also, I'm gonna go to Score! tomorrow cause my cousin' told one of the mangers that works there about me and he said he wanted me to come fill out an application to tutor kids.
Slowly, the pieces of my life are fitting together...And y'know what...I'm likin' it too...
